I am blown away that I don’t think I have talked about Michael yet. Michael was my next door neighbor growing up. We were supposed to get married. He passed away when we were 6 (ish) from heart problems. I did not understand what was happening at the time. The main thing I remember from him passing away is I told myself on repeat … Read More Michael
As of Aug 1 I do not have a place to live. No matter what I do, I don’t get information submitted in time to be first for these apartments. I spent today in a mad race with some couple for a place that is a total SHITHOLE and still fucking lost. Did EVERYTHING. Called EVERYONE. Uploaded EVERYTHING. But apparently the docs didn’t upload … Read More At least wine is always there for me.
I feel like this topic deserves its own entry instead of piggybacking on the last post. It literally eats me alive that I feel like I have disappointed my parents. I’ve let them down. I’m actually going backwards in life. I was young and killing it career-wise and the anxiety, depression, and addiction just took over. So while my parents could be proud of … Read More Disappointment
I’m going to write a very sober entry right now in order to make a point. The drinking doesn’t make me depressed. I was very depressed long before I started drinking. And I am fully aware of the fact that my depression feeds my drinking and my drinking feeds my depression (it’s a vicious cycle, thanks Fat Bastard). The reality is that I don’t … Read More Sober
I don’t re-read what I write because I want this to all be 100% authentic as to how someone feels when dealing with these issues. So if I repeat…sorry about your luck. At this point, I think about suicide every day. I’m not going to do it. But I certainly think about it. This world doesn’t make sense to me. Even if I become … Read More Darkness
Sorry but I’m back for like the 10th time today. I think one of the hardest parts of depression is feeling isolated. I understand being “depressed” and “having anxiety” are cool now, but I still don’t feel like there is anyone I can reach out to and talk with honestly without being sent to the looney bin. Everyone says let’s talk about this more … Read More OMG
I would like to express some of my opinions about the sudden trend of mental illness. Something I have been ashamed of is suddenly cool? I’m sorry but these celebs coming forward as experiencing depression can KISS MY FUCKING ASS. I don’t know how this became a trend, and I am grateful it’s getting the attention it deserves, but I do NOT appreciate any … Read More Celeb City
I’m a bit out of order now but I guess I should explain. My behaviour at work changed suddenly. I didn’t go to dinners and if I did, I didn’t drink. I can’t say much else, but as of May I no longer work at my job. This revelation has been beyond enlightening because it gave me a chance to learn about myself. The … Read More Here’s What You Missed
I’m not even sure where I left off, but I feel like my life is going backwards. Salary wise and apartment wise and life wise. I am 33 and should be planning a family or at the very least I should be happy with who I am, but I’m not. And considering the recent celebrity suicides, I’m pretty sure I will never be happy. … Read More What’s Next?
Took a hiatus. Missed some work and got in trouble. Dr increased the prozac but still not happy. I think I will never be happy. Heading to Florida with mom on Thursday hoping some sunshine helps. Even if it does, it will be temporary. I’m a sad human it’s that simple. I feel bad because all my mom wants is for me to be … Read More Here’s what you missed
Ah yes. Here we are. Cleaning my apartment is much better while drinking. So I feel satisfied with my cleaning and feel the need to word vomit about things I have not touched yet. I swear I’m not an existentialist, but maybe I am. I don’t understand the point of life. I’ve lived a close enough life to money to know it doesn’t make … Read More I’m doing this for me not you.
The sadness is all encompassing as we approach the anniversary of the death of basically my second mother. Cathy lived across the street with me and had a daughter 2 years younger. Then another daughter. There was a terrible divorce because they no longer loved each other but she had breast cancer and stayed together for the benefits. As a child, I didn’t understand. … Read More I guess I will go on…