As of Aug 1 I do not have a place to live. No matter what I do, I don’t get information submitted in time to be first for these apartments. I spent today in a mad race with some couple for a place that is a total SHITHOLE and still fucking lost. Did EVERYTHING. Called EVERYONE. Uploaded EVERYTHING. But apparently the docs didn’t upload for them because their website is a complete piece of shit. I mean it auto filled my cell phone number for my employer, my emergency contact, my LAST employer etc. This is fucking bullshit – I was first. Whatever. Doesn’t matter – didn’t get it. They claim I will get all my money back, but I don’t even believe that. I can’t even begin to talk about the sequence of events for today because I will just break down crying.
My alcohol counselor once said to me “one reason drinkers drink is because it’s always there for you. no matter what” Right – So how the fuck am I supposed to give it up? He gave up on me, too. He’s not always there for me. But no surprise … we met for 4 months, and I just kept saying I’m not going to stop drinking. I said “I will listen to what you have to say and be mindful and more thoughtful about my drinking.” He had me join a group meeting, and when I did both women said their children are the reason they finally started to try and get their shit together. Well I don’t have any children, so what’s supposed to motivate me?? Then the last time I was supposed to meet him I fucked up the time, typical me, and haven’t heard from him since to reschedule… at the beginning he was very attentive, and I was responsive, but I guess after a few months he gave up on me, which brings me back to the point that alcohol is always there for me. Never gives up on me.
Also – I’m fascinated by the celeb suicides by hanging. Why is that so popular? It sounds like a terrible way to die??? Well, in case you’re curious, theres a wiki how on how to make a noose and was able to do it, which is shocking because I’m a moron. But I think I get it. I tested – only out of curiosity I swear… swear-ish… I think it might be fast.
Anyways in a bad mood. Ciao for now.